Welcome to the worst place on Earth. The Haunted Mansion on Shadowhill. It’s seen many owners, renters, and guests over years. Though they tend not to stay, or should we say, last, very long. Don’t you fret, there are a couple permanent residents. Meet Damien and Desdmonda, our resident reapers, custodians of the crypt. If you can’t see them, that’s probably for the best, because when you do, you’ll be going on a little trip.

Oh there’s also Brian, the third reaper. He’s how do you say, a remedial reaper. He practices on the kitchen mice but usually gets distracted by shiny things.

But now that you’re here we’ll take you on a brief overview of our loveless house.

There’s the 60-year-bride, killed her cheating husband on their wedding day then never took off her wedding dress. In front of her room is the church graveyard where poor wayward souls come out and try to solve their unfinished business they died before fixing. The haunted library which is haunted by native Americans, dead children and book flingers. The ballroom still hosts the Waltz of the Dead — if someone asks you to dance, you’ll never leave.

Madame Zola stops by from time to time to communicate with the dead. Take a number it’s like the DMV of ghosts looking for a medium. The old haunted nursery is watched over by barren nurse Alma. Next to the church graveyard is the pumpkin patch, where Stingy Jack should be coming any second. In the great hall there’s an ancient mirror, if you look you might see Bloody Mary revealing your future spouse, or you might see the face of death. Keep going past the mirror and you’ll pass the Haunted Hallway where you seriously don’t want to pass.

It overlooks to the second graveyard, where a Tilting Tombstones is taking place, all the corpses are planning a jailbreak. There’s a rustic, grand fireplace which seems romantic until you realize it leads straight to Flames From Hell. Still, it’s a good place to hear a ghastly fairy tale Once Upon A Nightmare is a personal fav.

There’s The Mummy, Poltergeist, Witches and Two Hooks, a pirate looking for his severed hands. Dearly Departed, a fun, whimsical list of all the recent dead in town and the crazy ways they’ve died. From time to time the Phantom Organist will play us a melody. There’s a Haunted Dreams Doll House, speed boat not included. Careful not to get possessed, by demons or technology. If you stay long enough you may appear in the Haunted Photo album, which sounds cool, but trust us is bad news. There’s a clown room occupied by a sewer-dwelling evil clown. And last but not least, we’ll leave you with a Ghost Story.